EYEdentity CRYsis

 

Here’s the thing – in the American culture we are not taught self-discovery.  As infants, some of us heard things like ‘Be a leader.  Not a follower’.  In middle school or high school, we may have been offered the idea of ‘loving ourselves before we love other people’.  Even if we heard these messages earlier in childhood, it was most likely not discussed in depth in terms of what self-love looks and feels like in an authentic way.  I believe the main reasons adults have trouble teaching kids and other adults unapologetic self-love in a way that produces a healthy sense of self-identity and self-acceptance is because 1) they have not  experienced it themselves, 2) they were not taught it and 3) generations have habitually undervalued it as an essential part of the life curriculum while instead focusing on making sure kids can are functionable enough to complete the academic curriculum.  A rapper recently rhymed, “In high school I learned chemistry, biology[,] But not how to cope with anxiety,” (Big Sean, 2020).  And he’s right.  Why?  Because as I stated, many kids in America are not taught…self…discovery.  “While the importance of schooling for success…should not be exaggerated, its significance as a means for creating an American identity cannot be overstated…schools were an arena in which [immigrant] children now learned American ways for at least the 3-4 years of attendance required of them…[However], schooling [still] breeched the continuity of culture that the immigrant habits tried to preserve,” (Fass, 2006). My use of Fass’ statement is not a jab at America but rather an objective observation that can be used to educate people regarding certain depths of their behaviors, how to evolve these behaviors, and thus make America and the world even greater.

The consequences of not focusing on self love can lead to chaos in many areas/domains of life; financial, mental, emotional, political, social, occupational, educational, spiritual, sexual, behavioral, etc., you name it.  If a person possesses a lack of self-love (or has self-hatred) it can show up in almost everything that they do.  Do you recognize that “You’re [probably] the only living, breathing, organism on the face of earth that works against your own best interest[?],” (Johnson, 2016).  I really want you to think about that because, “You will self-destruct without instructions.  Your self-hate is so deep that you can’t even see it [any]more. It’s normalized.  [The other problem] is getting…you…to [care about] the solution for it.  Your problem is you [have] an identity crisis…God made you [YOU].  [But] you chose everything ELSE thereafter.  Stop thinking you can blend in.  You cannot blend in,” (Johnson, 2016).  I have stated in other books and blogs that it is very sad that self-hatred becomes cool.  “A LOT OF THE BEHAVIOR WE PRACTICE [IS] BECAUSE IT’S TRENDY AND IT'S POPULAR IN THIS COUNTRY so we think that that’s just the thing to do,” (Ali, 1991).  Self-hatred has also been legendary in some facets.  If you think deeply about it, human beings have a history of being enamored and in-love with people who work ‘against their best self-interest’.  Ever heard of a guy named Mike Tyson?  His results of his self-hatred made him The Most Feared Man on The Planet at one time.  And guess what?  People looked up to him and loved him for it.  That…is…f*cking sick and ridiculous.  I am not saying anything Mike Tyson has not admitted himself.  The following are words from his own mouth: “When you’re young and you’re involved with sports…or…entertainment, we got so caught up in [these things] that we forget how to love ourselves.  And sometimes we’re not nice to ourselves; and we show it by being mean to people…because we don’t know how to love ourselves,” (Tyson, 2020).  Sadhguru said some similar stuff.  He said that self-hatred, “is endless torture to yourself [and] when you are being tortured of course you will share it with everybody else,” (Sadhguru, 2019). 

 In my opinion, teaching children about the human condition, spiritual sciences, etc., should be a part of every Pre-K -12 curriculum.  How healthy can a child’s wellbeing be if by the time he/she is in high school, he/she is only able perform external work but no inner work?  How is optimal functioning possible if kids have no idea who they are, what they are, why they are the way they are, how they came to being who they are, where their problems stem from, or when an adults is going to aid them in addressing this sh*t?  What happens after high school and college??  Many are told to get married and have children.  Married!?!  I don’t care how educated and intellectually sophisticated you are.  You can be top 2% in both of those areas and still hate yourself.  Getting married won’t resolve a person’s identity crisis because "...conflicts over identify cause problems in marriage," (Smith, 2007). 

 Be selective in who and what you choose to identify with/as.  I have a great deal of respect for the 12-step model of Alcohol Anonymous, but I am not a fan of how people who have struggled with addiction forever label themselves as an addict.  Who isn’t an addict?  A man known as Reverend Ike once said Whatever you add to ‘I am’…you become.  

I am not inserting the idea that trying to blend in with the crowd is always bad.  I do believe that attempting to blend in with ‘the crowd’ as a way of life is toxic, unhealthy, and deadly.  “Do not be afraid of your own uniqueness,” (50 Cent and Greene, 2017).  You must“…know the difference between the wounded self and the true self…Your true self is the person that you are beyond the fear,” (Smith, 2007).  When I encourage you to have optimal and unapologetic self-love, I am not saying that you have to be perfect or flawless.  Work on the things that you CAN improve about yourself and accept the things you cannot.  Because the reality is that, “Everyone lacks a sense of completeness,” (Greene R. , 2019).  Furthermore:
 

“When you live in a culture that is designed to destroy your sense of self, or [if] you are marginalized where you have a feeling of being hopeless and powerless and you’re terrorized…you have to operate within the constraints of the dominate society and the things that they have created for you; and it’s a challenge to see yourself beyond that, and to work to get outside of that even after those laws have changed because that has become so much a part of you, you unconsciously operate within the parameters of what has been put in place.  [For example,] you’re driving on an express way and you’ll get off on an exit and you weren’t going in that direction but you unconsciously did it because you’ve done it so many times…Many people because they are not making a conscious deliberate determined effort to think outside of what life has thrown at them, they end up doing the same thing over and over and over again.  Einstein said that ‘The thinking that has brought me this far has created some problems that this thinking can’t solve.’  And so through relationships, through READING, through studies, through goals and dreams beyond your comfort zone it allows you to begin to live out of your imagination as opposed to out of your history.” (Brown, 2020). 

This has been a brief literary piece to explore various roots of self-hatred.  It has also been created as an inspirational GPS to find unapologetic self-love and help resolve some experiences of an identity crisis of the soul.  I recommend that you research some of PerspectVe LLC’s books on Amazon and get them for you and your loved ones.  Who knows…they may help someone see themselves in a healthier light that wipes away the tears of an EyeDentity Crysis.  #ExpandYourPerspectVe.

© PerspectVe LLC / Shawn Coleman 09 16 2020

 LINKS to related books published by PerspectVe LLC:

https://www.amazon.com/Unconventional-Stress-Management-Resilience-Coaching/dp/1979553696/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/130-5153400-5691069?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1979553696&pd_rd_r=ee051ac3-5c55-4e2a-8fed-2609c22a0e24&pd_rd_w=ueYP1&pd_rd_wg=hCuWM&pf_rd_p=ce6c479b-ef53-49a6-845b-bbbf35c28dd3&pf_rd_r=E7YRC4616K5N711DP65B&psc=1&refRID=E7YRC4616K5N711DP65B

https://www.amazon.com/Improved-Thinking-Shawn-Francis-Coleman-MS/dp/1494870525/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/130-5153400-5691069?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1494870525&pd_rd_r=694557e0-9506-4764-bb69-2341bdfe9b4f&pd_rd_w=2IsUG&pd_rd_wg=RIrXK&pf_rd_p=ce6c479b-ef53-49a6-845b-bbbf35c28dd3&pf_rd_r=K8MZZAH4MCVS6V9KA79A&psc=1&refRID=K8MZZAH4MCVS6V9KA79A 

https://www.amazon.com/Improved-Thinking-Mr-Shawn-Coleman/dp/1511629207/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/130-5153400-5691069?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1511629207&pd_rd_r=983180ac-aebe-4e0d-b788-16c5b7195015&pd_rd_w=tQR7Z&pd_rd_wg=m1hxa&pf_rd_p=ce6c479b-ef53-49a6-845b-bbbf35c28dd3&pf_rd_r=A6QK325Y40A65YST3C84&psc=1&refRID=A6QK325Y40A65YST3C84 

https://www.amazon.com/All-Art-Not-Healthy-Wellbeing/dp/1798212943/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=all+art+is+not+healthy+art+shawn+coleman&qid=1600323861&sr=8-1

References

Ali, S. (1991). WFSU Public Media - "Vibrations: Interview with Shahrazad Ali" | WFSU-TV (1991). Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnez_5bI_GI

Brown, L. (2020, January 14). Tom Bilyeu - He Explains in 51 Seconds Everything That's Holding You Back | Les Brown on Impact Theory. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeK9EeKNXDM

Fass, P. S. (2006). Children of a New World: Society, Culture, and Globalization. New York: NYU Press.

Greene, 5. C. (2017, July 29). The 50th Law Robert Greene Audiobook by MCGLOWN redden. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4iMTUyqv78

Greene, R. (2019, July 19). How To Work For Yourself -The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene | Full Audio book. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TiGL0uWWzw

Johnson, D. U. (2016, December 31). Killa Kev Productions - Dr. Umar Johnson - Detroit Nia Kwanzaa Power Lecture - 2016. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7LYIW9gWd4

Sadhguru. (2019, May 21). Tom Bilyeu - This Indian Mystic Drops KNOWLEDGE BOMBS (I’m Speechless!) | Sadhguru on Impact Theory. Retrieved from YouTUbe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw1I7fqmxmA

Sean, B. (2020, August 25). Big Sean Tackles Anxiety & Suicidal Thoughts On Nipsey Hussle Collaboration “Deep Reverence”. Retrieved from GENIUS: https://genius.com/a/big-sean-tackles-anxiety-suicidal-thoughts-on-nipsey-hussle-collaboration-deep-reverence

Smith, D. R. (2007). Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages. New York: Hachette Books; Illustrated Edition (April 10, 2007).

Tyson, M. (2020, July 09). Mike Tyson - Akon | Hotboxin' with Mike Tyson. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfYbcqROesA